Let’s take a tour inside ChristianCafe.com the Christian dating site I used to:
(1) successfully find a godly future husband wonderfully compatible with me, and
(2) finally returned the gift of singleness in exchange for the gift of marriage!
This is a photo of me and my husband on our wedding day:
(Just so you know, I’m an affiliate with Christian Cafe because that’s where I found my much-adored husband Thomas.)
Since we all enjoy stories of how Christian single women found their future husbands, let take a look at the stories of recent couples who met on this dating site. To see the couples’ photos and read their stories click here (open in a tab/another window): ChristianCafe.com
Then find the testimonials tab and click on it. See the photo:
You’ll read the most recent couples stories: How Christian singles met, dated, and got married. Although they all met online, each story is different and unique!
To read the older testimonials click the “Testimonials by month” link:
If you look at the success testimonials on Christian dating sites, you’ll realize something big: that most of the people who married were in different states or provinces, or in different countries.
Let that sink in.
Most Christians who found their spouse online had a long-distance relationship. Those who found Mr. or Mrs. Right locally are a small minority.
Statistically, if you insist on having only local prospects on a Christian dating site, your chances of finding that amazingly compatible person are drastically lower. Non-Christian have it easier because there are more of them and they’re not doctrinally choosy or very specific so they can find plenty of local matches.
If you want to read the story of how I used Christian Cafe to find my future husband it’s here: How a Christian Single Woman Found Mr. Right in 4 Months by Making This One Change to Her Mindset
Now, let’s go on with the tour. When you click on the Christian Cafe link you’ll see this page:
I saw that same page when I was 34 years old and single. I thought along those lines, “They’re offering 10 days for free. Okay, let’s try it and see what happen!”
I filled the form with my username and email.
Get tips on how to choose an attractive username and other tips for absolute beginners at online dating: Quick Online Dating Tips: For the chaste, godly woman who wants to be married in the near future.
Then I completed the basic profile form (very easy with the drop down menus):
I don’t recommend that you fill out the salary, unless you want to attract gold diggers. I left that that question unanswered myself.
Then I filled out the detailed profile questions. It’s an optional step, but I knew I’d get more success attracting a compatible man if I answered the questions and shared about myself and what I was looking for:
(The pic is small so I’ll copy the detailed profile questions further down in this post)
When I was exploring the site, I clicked the “Online” tab and was able to see the men in my region who were online with me at that moment:
On that list of males in my region, I could see their thumbnail photo, username, age, city, and state. If I wanted to know more about a guy, I clicked on his thumbnail and his entire profile opened up. There I could see his denomination, level of church involvement, what kind of relationship he’s looking for, and more about his life and personality.
This was my future husband’s profile pic:
And here’s mine:
We both smiled and dressed in nice, modest, flattering outfits. Thomas looked polished in his business attire. I looked very feminine in my outfit, yet without sacrificing modesty. Dressing nice doesn’t have to break the bank either. Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from friends or from the thrift store.
I was able to set up my own personalized search, where I could search by age preference:
. . . and search by location. I could search by individual state or province, or by region (See the picture below), or within so many miles of my zip code:
I had the possibility of searching by appearance based on race, height, body type, hair length, hair color, and eye color:
Christian Cafe also enabled me to search by marital status, education, and occupation:
The search can get very precise. For example you can search for men who are marriage-minded, never drink, and want to have three children:
You can search for men whose faith defines who they are, who belong to the Reformed Baptist denomination, attend church regularly, and go on mission trips:
(You won’t find that degree of specification on a non-Christian dating site!)
When I read men’s profiles I paid particular attention to their answers to the questions I circled in green here:
Here are the detailed questions that you can answer on your profile and read on the men’s profiles:
1. Describe the type of relationship you are looking for. What qualities would you like in this relationship or person? Are you seeking a particular age range?
2. Describe a little of your personality and character traits. (Are you funny, laid back, more serious, open, shy, etc.?)
3. Describe your Christian faith. Where are you at and what are your goals? What Scripture verses are important to you?
4. What would be the perfect setting for a first meeting with a new friend or date? Describe it 🙂
5. What are your favorite activities? (Including sports, leisure, artistic/musical, etc.)
6. Describe your current occupation. Do you like what you do? What is your dream job?
7. Where did you go to school (i.e. high school or college/university, etc.)? What did you study? Did you like it? Would you like to do more?
8. What are some of your personal goals in life?
9. How did your previous relationship end and what positive lessons have you learned which will help you succeed in future relationships?
10. Where were you born? Have you ever traveled? If so, where? What is your ideal adventure?
11. Is there anything else you would like to add? This is your chance to get in that last (but not least:-) bit of important info that you would like others to know.
I love how detailed the profile questions are. You’re able to know much about someone’s faith, lifestyle, and life goals before you even start interacting with them.
When I found my future husband’s profile I was impressed by how thoughtfully and intelligently he answered all these questions!
I was specifically praying and looking for a future husband who gave Jesus Christ the preeminent place in his heart and life, a godly man who loved the Bible, and honored God with his ministries, his life, his habits, his body, his speech.
What the Search Results Look Like
The search results look like this and can go on for pages and pages:
(I covered their faces and usernames to protect their privacy)
The search result show their username, age, state, city, when was the last time I viewed their profile (for example: “Last Viewed Never”), and how they matched my search criteria (for example: “100% Match”). To see their entire profile I clicked their photo, and from there I could email them or send them a wink.
I set up a personalized search where Christian Cafe would send me every week a list of Christian single men who met my criteria.
The Christian Cafe mailbox is easy to use, and enabled me to not give my personal email to communicate with men until I was comfortable enough to give it. Where to find the mailbox:
The site is not “only” for online dating. Under the “Community tab” you can access discussions forums, prayers to share with others, “Dating 101” tips from a Christian perspective and more:
In the forums you can share praise & prayer, devotionals, ministry ideas, and discuss Bible studies, theology, and doctrines with fellow Christian men and women:
(You won’t find that on a non-Christian dating site either!)
You can also ask dating and relationships questions to men to get their perspective, ask the community to critique your profile and help you improve it.
If you’re a single parent you can connect with other parents and discuss issues related to single parenting or dating as a single parent. There are forums for singles under 30, between 30 and 49, and for 50 plus singles:
The “between 30 and 49” forum is a good place to fellowship online with single men and women over 30 who understand what it’s like to be single at that age.
You have access to all of the above with the free 10 day trial. Other dating sites restrict access during their free trials, but Christian Cafe gives you full access for free for 10 days.
If you need help to navigate or use the site, the help tab is there:
I was curious about the “Scams” selection in the drop down menu, so I checked it out.
It’s easy to not get scammed on a dating site: never, ever send any money, not even a single dollar, to anybody you found on a dating site and have never even met in person.
If some man you’ve never met calls you his wife and say that he consider himself your husband because in his heart he’s married to you, it’s a classic scam tactic. Dr. Phil did many TV shows on that topic. Several women and men wired their life savings to complete strangers they’ve never met who professed undying love to them!
Some of the women were convinced they were “spiritually” married to online strangers in God’s eyes, and wired them money for fake ministries and fake emergencies.
Personally if a man I’ve never even met tells me he considers himself my husband and married to me “in God’s eyes” I’d find that ridiculous.
How to Get Noticed by the Right Men on a Dating Site
Make your profile stand out among other Christian women’s profiles and deter fornicators: Quick Online Dating Tips: For the chaste, godly woman who wants to be married in the near future.
How Much Does Christian Cafe Cost for a Year?
After using Christian Cafe for free for 10 days, if you want to continue to access the site, you’ll be given these options (those are 2019 prices, but they don’t change much from year to year):
It’s $89 for 6 months or $109 for one year. Although I’m super frugal, I thought it was worth every penny to jump start my love life, because I was tired of what felt like a never-ending season of singleness.
Take a Step of Faith
Get your 10 free days. Or just click and look at the page and see how you feel, like I did before I filled it out. I felt drawn to it, and I had a good feeling that my future husband might be there. I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure. But the possibility was there. So I took a chance.
Looking back on my journey toward marriage, I see that God made all the pieces fall into place to make a beautiful puzzle. But I couldn’t see that puzzle back when I took each step of faith.
I didn’t know the future. I didn’t know how each piece ultimately fit together. It was like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when Indy had to take a leap of faith to step into the void of a deep canyon. He saw no path across, only a gaping chasm. But when he took his first step, his foot hit the invisible path that had been there all along, rock solid and sturdy. It took faith to step out without seeing a path.
Click on the 10 free days offer, fill out your email and username and you’re on your way to explore online dating with a reputable site run by actual Christians.
Take the first step, and see what happens!
I have a gift for godly women who specifically want to get married in the next 2-3 years. It’s the first 3 chapters of my book “From Stuck in Singleness to Marrying Mr. Right” and my newsletter full of tips on how to get unstuck from singleness:
With love and encouragements,