One morning you meet a wonderful man! He seems to have a godly Christian character. And he’s single!
But you meet him at a conference, and you’ll never see him again after the event is over.
Or he’s a guest speaker at your church this Sunday. The next day he’ll go back to his hometown hours away.
Or you meet him by chance at church. But you’re in a huge church of 800 people, so it’s unlikely that you’ll run into him regularly.
Or you scroll through your friend’s Facebook friends list, out of curiosity, and see a single man who catches your eyes. His Facebook page is all about his ministries, Bible verses, his favorite preachers, and it’s free from profanities, drunkenness, or anything vulgar. His posts are clean and wholesome. He’s single and in is thirties just like you.
You’re thirty-two and the last time you met a promising single man like that was 5 years ago! It’s like a unicorn sighting.
So what can you do when you find or meet an interesting single guy in a setting where you won’t see each other regularly?
You’re about to read the stories of three women who found themselves in such a situation. You’ll find out how they acted in a way that moved their life in the direction of marriage. Facebook played a role in each woman’s story.
Send a Friend Request
Mei-Ling met Fernand, a godly man, by “chance” at a public place—just like you sometime meet godly strangers at a Christian concert, fair, retreat, or conference.
Mei-Ling and Fernand smiled and made small talk. Later she sent him a Facebook friend request. They became friends and hung out together. Although Mei-Ling was the one who sent Fernand a friend request at first, he pursued her over and over. Eventually they got married.
So it’s okay to look up a man’s name on Facebook, and send him a friend request.
We wouldn’t think twice about sending a friend request to a woman we chat with, so why would we treat a male acquaintance any differently? In both cases you hope for a friendship of some sort. Except that with the man the friendship could lead to marriage if everything goes well.
What if you send a friend request to a man who is not romantically interested in you? Then, there’s no harm done if you act wisely and don’t construct a fairytale in your mind that’s far ahead of reality. At least now you know he’s not interested instead of wasting mental energy wondering if he’s The One that got away.
How to Know if He’s Interested
Another Christian couple, Regis and Isabella, were school acquaintances, and lost touch. Years later when they were both in their 30’s, Regis sent Isabella a friend request out of the blue.
Isabella made clear on Facebook that her status was single, so it encouraged Regis to contact her. She added him on Facebook, and he began messaging her. As long as she replied to him Regis kept on writing to her.
She knew he was interested because he kept finding excuses to message her. And he knew she was receptive because she kept answering.
They messaged each other about anything they liked: God, movies, music, art. The messages graduated to phone calls, then to hanging out together as friends. Then Regis explained to Isabella that he didn’t want to be just friends. So they dated and later got married.
You know a man is interested if he keeps messaging you (as long as you reply to each of his messages: don’t play head games).
If you’re on Facebook, make sure that your status is single. Delete posts or photos that are ambiguous and may give the false impression that you already have a boyfriend or that you already like someone.
What if He Doesn’t Message You Because You’re Strangers?
One Christian man, Mason, had a public Facebook profile that he used as a ministry to glorify God. So most of his 1000’s of Facebook friends were strangers he added so they could read his edifying posts.
The woman who was to become Mason’s wife sent him a friend request. They were complete strangers and had never met before. He added her. Of course he didn’t message her at first because she was a stranger to him among thousands of other strangers.
Mason told me that what made him notice Anna, among his 1000’s of followers, is that Anna liked almost all of his posts. She liked his posts because she agreed with him on almost all the issues he wrote about. Mason became attracted to this complete stranger as he learned more about her in her profile, and as she kept liking his posts.
Liking someone’s posts is a way of showing support, agreement, and encouragement. What man wouldn’t like that in a future wife?
A year later—so you shouldn’t always expect immediate results—Mason began messaging Anna on Facebook. She responded. They moved from Facebook to phone text messages, then to phone calls, and long-distance visits where he met her family (they lived in different states). Mason and Anna are now married.
So it’s not only fine to send friend requests to godly men on Facebook who live far away. It’s also good to like their posts if you agree with them, as a way of showing support.
You don’t have to wonder what to talk about in your Facebook messages with a man. If he’s interested in you he’ll come up with things to talk about. All you have to do is respond cheerfully.
(the names of the three couples have been changed to protect their privacy)
This Facebook Approach Is Not For Everybody
This Facebook approach is wise for the mature woman who has strong spiritual discernment about men. Women like that can effortlessly tell sanctified men from ungodly ones who profess Christ with their lips but not with their lifestyle. This approach isn’t for women who lack wisdom, discernment, and who easily fall for ungodly, unprincipled men.
Mental Blocks That Prevent You From Stepping into Your Love Story
If you’re spiritually mature and therefore have discernment, give yourself permission to send a friend request to an interesting man you just met. Allow yourself to like most or all his posts, to make it less threatening for him to pursue you (a godly man might hesitate to pursue you because he doesn’t want you to think he’s a creep). Give yourself permission to take action, because the only person stopping you is yourself.
The outcome of these 3 stories would have been very different if Mei-Ling, Isabella, and Anna had mental blocks such as:
“I shouldn’t talk and smile at him. He might think I’m flirting. It’s safer if I’m closed off and avoid him. I’ll walk away from him, and pretend I haven’t noticed him. I don’t want to look approachable. I want to appear hard to get.”
“I can’t sent a friend request to a man. He might think I’m interested in him. As a single women, it’s shameful for me to be attracted to and interested in a single man.” (Think of how twisted and legalistic that thinking is!)
“I can’t imagine being interested in this guy from high school. I wasn’t attracted to him then. I don’t feel he’s The One. So I’ll decline his friend request.”
“I want to play hard-to-get, so I won’t reply cheerfully to his messages. I’ll let him think I’m not that interested.”
“I shouldn’t bother sending a friend request. He doesn’t know me at all. He’ll probably decline.”
“I don’t want to like so many of his posts. I’m afraid he might think I’m flirting. I’m also afraid that others might think I’m into him. I’m ashamed of being interested in a godly single man, so I don’t want it to show. At all. I’d rather die single than show that I’m a normal woman with romantic feelings.”
“I shouldn’t do anything in my season of singleness, except wait forever.”
Think of how much simpler our interactions with men would be if we didn’t have those legalistic mental blocks! Such negative fear-based thoughts prevent us from taking totally normal, non-sinful actions that can lead to deeper friendship with godly attractive men, and maybe even marriage.
Fearful thoughts completely distort reality to the point where smiling at a man or sending him a friend request make you feel as terrified as jumping out of an airplane. Fears that completely distort reality are lies, and lies aren’t from God, but from the enemy.
In my own experience with prolonged singleness, it was the legalism going on in my head that kept me passive (doing nothing and waiting forever) and prevented me from acting in a way that naturally lead to marriage.
Once I got rid of extreme legalism, I progressed toward marriage, and got married to a man so wonderfully compatible that he’s like a dream to me.
Overcome Legalistic or Fearful Mindset
Spend a moment—right now—to reflect on all the legalistic thoughts that prevent you from taking action or from responding in a way that encourage godly men to take the risk of pursuing you further.
Take note of any excuse that spring up in your head when you think of taking action. Ultimately the reluctance to take action comes from fear and insecurity.
A woman who’s secure, courageous, wise, mature, and responsible will take action to achieve any of her godly goals, including marriage.
Ask God to help you overcome fear-based legalistic thinking, so that you can take the steps necessary to get unstuck and move toward marriage.
Pray something like this out loud:
“Lord, I have so many thoughts and fears that stop me from stepping up in my love life. But I want to get married and I’m getting older. You know how important marriage is because You created it. You know what a blessing marriage can be. My desire for marriage comes from You. Help me overcome legalism so I can enjoy my freedom in Christ to pursue what is good in Your eyes. And marriage is good in Your eyes. Right now I’m stuck in singleness. I’ve been glued to the spot my whole adult life. Grant me the courage to get unstuck, to lift my foot and take a step. Help me take action and walk all the steps needed to get married and have a godly marriage. Than You for helping me and granting me wisdom for this adventure of finding love. Amen.”
Now that you’ve prayed this prayer, how do you feel? Don’t you feel encouraged and uplifted? Isn’t your faith strengthened? By God’s grace, don’t you feel an injection of energy to take action?
Take Action Consistently
Send a friend request to you-know-who if you’re not Facebook friends already. Like and comment on his posts. Write comments that show a fun personality, or insightful wisdom, or heartfelt support for his ideas and beliefs. If he’s the right man for you, he’ll eventually ask you out or court you. Trust God with how it will turn out. Regardless of the outcome you’re edifying and blessing a godly man by showing appreciation and support.
The point of this article isn’t that you-know-who will marry you if you send him a friend request. It’s not that you’ll get married if you smile and talk with one guy or two.
It’s unrealistic to expect an end result like marriage after taking only one action.
Taking action is not something you do once or twice. It would be like expecting weight loss after eating one salad. You’ll see results, and your weight decrease as you continually eat healthy over time. In the same way you’ll ultimately see results in you love life if you take consistent action, instead of giving up right away when you don’t see immediate results.
Fernand wasn’t the first man with whom Mei-Ling cheerfully chatted.
Regis wasn’t the first man to whom Isabella gave a chance and dated.
Mason wasn’t the first man whose posts Anna liked.
Mei-Ling, Isabella, and Anna lived in a way that was inviting to love because no legalistic thoughts prevented them from taking the actions they took that eventually, over time, led to their future husbands and marriage.
If you’re ready to meet your future husband and live your love story then get 3 free chapters of my book, as well as my updates so you don’t miss any future article on how to get unstuck and get married:
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With love and encouragements,