In this post:
- How Alan Searched for a Godly Wife
- How Marriage Could Soon Happen to You Too
- Be Diligent to Work Toward the Marriage of Your Dreams
- Mental Blocks and Excuses for Doing Nothing
- Get Unstuck, Think Straight, and Move Toward Marriage
Let me tell you about this photo I took:
I took this photo at a friend’s wedding. Let’s call him Alan since he wants to stay anonymous (I usually don’t use my friends’ real names when I mention them in my public writings). I helped him get married so it was very special to me.
I want you to pay attention to Alan’s timeline in getting unstuck and actually getting married.
You’ll see that finding the right person and getting married can be achieved in a timely manner . . . if you put in the work. Kind of like finding a job.
In May 2018, Alan told me and my husband that he wanted to find the right woman for him and get married.
In the past, Alan followed the courtship mindset of doing nothing, and waiting for God or fate to bring The One to him. Didn’t work so well for him. Actually the results were disastrous in his case, but I’ll spare you the details.
Alan had no idea he could do anything to make marriage happen. He thought he could only wait, wish, and pray.
My thought was, “‘Excuse me? There are lots of things you can do to find love and get married!”
So I directed him to my articles:
Return the Gift of Singleness (Part II)
He read them both in May 2018 and found them extremely motivating. He emailed me, “I enjoyed both of the articles that you shared with me from your website. I thought they were logical, biblical, and encouraging. I’m ready to dive in. I’m ready to find my godly wife. The Lord has put a desire on my heart that cannot be contained.”
Alan implemented the action-steps I took—he didn’t even do all of them, just a few and that was enough to get results—and as a result he met his future wife and got married in August 2019.
Timeline:
Completely single and dateless in May 2018
Got married in August 2019
This could happen to you too. Imagine diligently searching for your future husband and finding him this year, and getting married next year!
If, like Alan, you feel an urgency to find The One and get married, I encourage you to revisit the 2 articles above.
Print them out. Get a highlighter and highlight any suggestion or action-step that you haven’t followed or implemented yet.
Then the challenging part: Get out of your comfort zone and do the steps consistently, over and over. Keep going until you find The One.
Wishing, waiting, and hoping haven’t work for you or you’d be married already. Now you’re in your 30’s, and it’s time to try something new and put in the work to get the marriage of your dreams.
You’ve worked way harder to get an education, to learn a new language, to advance your career, to decorate your home, or to keep your yard in good shape. Maybe you’ve even put more time into scrapbooking, learning how to hula hoop, or into doing your nails than into pursuing marriage.
The marriage of your dreams deserves at least a fraction of the work you’ve put into other things.
And, trust me, a good marriage to a godly man who adores you will bring you much more joy than all these other things mentioned!
My Get Unstuck Get Married ministry won’t help the wishers. Because wishers don’t do anything except wish.
My ministry is for wonderful, optimistic, 30-something, Christian go-getters who value marriage enough to put in the work.
What objections, excuses, or fears does your mind manufacture to prevent your from doing the steps outlined in those 2 articles I mentioned?
Please write down the objections your mind comes up with, even if it’s ridiculous. Because if those things come to your mind, they probably come to the minds of 1000’s of other single women too.
Here’s a few to get you started:
“It won’t work for me.”
“I’ll probably be alone for the rest of my life. So why bother working toward something I’ll never get?”
“I’m not pretty enough.”
“I don’t have time for that.” (but you have time for Netflix or Pinterest)
“I’m afraid I’ll fail, so I’d better not try.”
“I think there’s something wrong with me that repel the men I like.”
“I don’t want to work or do anything to find the love of my life.”
“I just want to wait and hope.”
“Marriage isn’t worth that much work and effort to me.”
“It’s too late for me. I messed up in the past and I’ll never find love.”
“No good man will ever want me.”
Here’s a few more common objections:
“I’m ashamed of my longing for a husband, so I don’t want others to know about it.”
“I’m afraid of being judged by others if I pursue marriage.”
“I’m afraid of what my friends will think.”
“I’m afraid of being rejected.”
“I don’t want anybody to see me without makeup, so I’m not ready to have a husband.”
“I had my heart broken before, so I don’t want to risk anything to find love.”
“I don’t want to look for The One, because I already like a man . . . who isn’t interested in me. So I wait and wish for God to change his heart. I’ve been waiting and wishing for 3 years now.”
“I need signs/coincidences/fortune telling/prophecies/everything spelled out for me in advance so it’s 100% risk-free before I take a step of . . . faith.
What keeps many of us stuck in singleness has more to do with what’s happening inside our heads rather than external circumstances. Paralyzing, action-stopping, legalistic, pessimistic, limiting thoughts are holding many of us back from doing things that would move us toward marriage.
Once we start thinking straight, we’re able to come up with solutions to use our God-given abilities to consistently, intelligently, and wisely work toward any goal we have, and that includes marriage.
Your future marriage and future family are worth working for. They’re worth overcoming procrastination. And as long as the Lord continues to bless me with this ministry, I’ll cheer you on along the way.
How I rocked online dating as a Christian woman in my 30’s and how you can too:
For godly women who specifically want to get married in the next 2-3 years: get 3 free chapters from my book “From Stuck in Singleness to Marrying Mr. Right.” It will give you action steps to get unstuck and get married:
